V. Baby

V. Baby

Anton had been with me only a short time when I began to be visited by many discarnate personalities: Schonberg, Stravinsky, Debussy, Oistrahk, Liszt, Shaw, Dickens, and

Boito were just a few of the famous men who dropped in from time to time, some to deliver a simple message (Schonberg: “Your child must know my music." Oistrahk:"Don't grip the fingerboard so tightly."), some to express appreciation or encouragement, others to answer questions.

One of my dearest friends is Verdi who has given me brilliant advice in compositional matters, and has coached me in the performance of his and other people's violin music. One time I criticized the end of La Traviata for its extroversion and consequent loss of intimacy; he agreed with me, throwing a tantrum at himself for bending to the style of the time which required big chorale finales to operas whether they were appropriate or not. The temper was so like what I had read about him in life, yet he has grown so much in spirit since then. He seems most calm and most knowing in musical discussions, and brings such depth and intimacy to his coaching I am humbled out of all ambition of ever achieving great things; his mind is so intricate, his ear is so perfect. In matters pertaining to himself he is kind of a baby.

One of the great men, who has stayed to become one of a corps of teachers who now direct my work, is Heinrich Schutz. Schutz has evolved the furthest of any of the composers who have spoken to me; he is now a very high ascended master who dwells in the causal plane. He has taken an interest in me because of our common relationship to music. He gave me the first chorale to his great Christmas

Oratorio, a chorale which has been missing for three hundred years. He has participated in the composition of other works of mine, but never since the chorale has he taken total

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control. His purpose in my life is to provide subtle |

direction of a philosophic nature, pointing my mind's eye toward visions of a loftier nature. His relationship to me is not mostly musical, although he can reach the artist in me at a level of spiritual/musical integration that no one

else can. |

It was not only famous people who came in those first few months, but unknown, forgotten people who wished to communicate with the world some piece of music or poem or unresolved pain. There were people from my past lives, notably Marchesi, an old Italian painter who, in the 1500's, had been my teacher and surrogate father. (I have been searching my whole life for someone to fill the role of strong father figure to an artist son, and when I met Marchesi, I realized that I had been looking for someone to be to me as he had been four hundred years ago.) Marchesi described a portrait of me he had made which hangs today in some obscure gallery. I can almost see it.

Among others there were Peter, the whimsical poet, Gastner, the arrogant composer who gave me a fascinating violin sonata, and Sarkhovich the deranged military leader. With the exception of Schutz, all these personalities were dwellers on some level or other of the astral plane. This means that they all were victims of some kind of self delusion, bound by karmic bonds. Those from the higher astral such as Anton and Liszt are considerably more evolved than I, but some like Sarkhovich were hardly conscious of anything but the hell in which they had imprisoned themselves; their only relationship to me was as a kind of open window that appeared on the floor of the lower astral plane that they used to pour some of their misery into.

Anton, as a dweller in the high astral plane, though possessed of certain high wisdom, was still impeded from experiencing true spiritual freedom due to karmic attachments, some of which he shared with me. Although he

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has some unfulfilled desires and some debts to pay, he is much further along than I am. His imperfections, however, were precisely the qualities which made it possible for him to communicate with me so well. He taught me an enormous amount and I will be eternally (literally) grateful to him for his profound and loving instruction; but as I grew in wisdom and power it became necessary for me to be instructed occasionally by beings who had attained the higher mental and causal planes.

My first highly evolved teacher was Bowmustman (man must bow) an angel (or angle) of God and intelligence channel between me and Jesus.

Since this book has the word angel in the title, and since I will attempt ultimately to lead the reader to accept the possibility of hearinq angels sing, it would seem that my first relationship with one would be a subject of relatively vast proportions. However, as I ponder what it is I can say about Bowmustman, I am nonplussed. I can speak easily of my other teachers because they have always brought, in addition to the teaching, a sense of individuality or personality with them, a vibratory rate that I could relate to sympathetically. There is no sympathy between man and angel  the angel is so high and so objective (detached would be the Buddhist term for it) that no real personal intercourse is possible. My other teachers came to me because they were attracted to me through common experience. Bowmustman came because he was sent, and for no other reason. He never gave anything of himself, but merely acted as a conduit between Jesus and me. Jesus comes himself, personally, fairly often, but as a sort of fulltime guardian was required in my case, a more economical arrangement was necessary.

As far as my understanding can conceive, angels occupy a position in the celestial hierarchy as channels for the

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flow of God's Goodness from one level to another. An angel'= personal identity, such as it is, is so high, so close to the nameless source of being, that we cannot even perceive it. The best way to imagine an angel's function is to envision a flashlight shining from the source of all light down on some specific area of lower darkness  me, for instance. The angel, in this analogy, is actually the beam of light; the Creator is the flashlight battery. The angel makes the power of the battery known to our limited perceptual apparatus. As such a channel, Bowmustman made God's truth, through the personality of Jesus, known to me in the precise measure to which I was able to understand it. As I understood more, I was shown more.

As Anton was with me constantly, Bowmustman came at first only once a week for my special Sunday dictation, or in moments of crisis when I cried out for special help. Then, one day he announced to me that I was to take down a symphony channeled to me through him from Jesus. The symphony, in celebration of my child Emlyn's coming, was to be premiered while he was still in the womb. The taking down of this symphony was a major trial for me and contributed vastly to my spiritual advancement.

It was much more than a dictation. Just as Jesus had healed me by showing me how to heal myself, so He wrote a symphony through me, composed of the best intellectual and emotional materials that had so far comprised my artistself. He not only the music, he made a changed me out of an old me, and taught me how to continue to grow and change, to make an evernewly born me out of the seeds of my past.

The process was fascinating, the moreso because it was so simple  an exquisite example of divine intelligence in physical manifestation. First I was given the proportions of the piece: for several years, I had been creating music according to a certain mathematical/biological principle,

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vhich Jesus now took and applied with daring, breathtaking freedom, introducing illuminating innovations which magnified the significance of the numbers. After the mathematical foundation (or frame) of the piece had been laid out, I was given a prose text describing the narrative action of the piece. The symphony is a sort of biography of me, but it is not just about me, it is about my romance with my wife and all the love, struggle, heartache, joy, accomplishment, and music that led to Emlyn~s conception. The themes are mostly themes from my own music, the main one being a love song withoutwords I wrote for her our first Christmas together. Other themes occur when references are made to specific periods or events in my life; themes from pieces written during these times, a string quartet written in the mountains, the production of a children's musical, a song for our little dog, etc.

After the mathematical and narrative superstructure of the piece was finished, there came one more preparation before starting to write down the notes. Each day I was assigned a short section to complete. By studying the corresponding narrative section, I was told to visualize the events to be depicted and to reexperience and magnify the feelings involved. The process of translating memory into the language of personal feeling was my only creative contribution to the project. Once I had relived the past and felt the feelings as deeply as I could, Jesus took over: He took the intellectual processes, techniques, idiosyncracies which comprise my personal compositional bagoftricks and applied them to the emotional material, thus creating the piece. In this sense the piece is me because it is made entirely out of me, my tunes, my technique, my feeling. However, the making, the creative spark comes from Jesus' love for and acceptance of me. He showed me how to look for God in myself. In a way he showed me my future, the level of consciousness, specifically the creative consciousness,

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which I was to attain when greater spiritual purity was achieved.

The actual writing down of the piece was like any other dictation; a slow, laborious, notebynote, partbypart process. Occasionally, inspiration would light my mind, or the irresistible logic of a section would indicate a harmony, a measure, a phrase that I understood in its entirety without being told, but mostly it was notebyhardwonnote. I had no idea what the piece was sounding like as I wrote it down, and I was too busy concentrating on the inner voice to bother trying to hear it until the day's work was done and I could try it out on the piano.

The discipline was very good for me because it caused me to focus on the inner voice for many hours a day, thereby improving my concentration. I had to keep myself open to higher influence all the time, which expanded my consciousness. Lastly, I learned how to control the flow of wanted and unwanted energy into my consciousness. The legions of Satan, the Beelzebubs, the Bomos, the Chileaveras love to interfere with psychic communications such as I was experiencing, so as I wrote into the afternoon, getting more and more tired from the strain, these jealous ones would interfere more and more aggressively, blocking the channel between me and Bowmustman and substituting their own false notes or negative thoughts for the truth. As soon as my better self sensed something wrong and toward the end of each day I had to be constantly vigilant) a great struggle between good and evil would ensue as I fought to purify myself and clear the channel of wrong thought forms. Sometimes it took me five minutes to get one note. Now, the finished piece is an hour and fifteen minutes long, so figure how much time it might have taken to compose at five minutes per note. I am not complaining, for each note won back from the jealous ones was like gold in my heart; I

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merely wish to dramatize the struggle that took place creating the piece even though I did not actually write it

Fortunately, I discovered a technique for blocking out interference that involved sensitivity to life force in the spine. I subsequently learned that this technique was related to and similar to exercises for expanding the human aura. When I knew that I was being blocked by the jealous ones I would pray for help and reach out for it; then I would feel a subtle flow of healing energy originate at the base of the spine and then radiate up the spine and throughout my lower back. This experience acted as an all clear signal from Bowmustman that the transmission I was receiving was correct. It gave me a feeling of confidence and power, not to mention a wholesome sensual thrill. This technique has been improved on since then, but, at the time, it was a big breakthrough for me. The art of protecting yourself is crucial to any spiritual study. All the books say that for advanced spiritual study the chela must have a living guru to take care of him and protect him from dangerous accidents that may happen when the ignorant student starts to play with unwieldy amounts of power. I am lucky because, for some reason, I was chosen to be instructed by a whole academy of highly evolved teachers who not only guide me through my work, but bless and protect with their own personal power when I need it.

I took down three movements of the symphony that summer, and then I had to suspend work on it because the last movement had to do with Emlyn's actual coming. This could not be written because he had not even been conceived yet. We were hanging out waiting for the right sperm to meet up with the right egg. While we waited, Jesus gave me a glorious violin concerto, an allegorical prophecy concerning our future family life, including instructions for proper fathering. My wife conceived in September.

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Meanwhile, aL1 that summer, when I wasn't taking down the symphony or the concerto, I spent time with Anton. Anton's main purpose was ta raise my consciousness as high as the astral level and to prepare me for further advancement; however, a major reason he had been picked to be my teacher, rather than another, was that he had a previouslife connection with Emlyn and was very anxious to contribute to the informative interactions that were taking place between Emlyn and me. Anton did much to shape our relationship by introducing us to each other and directing our attention to certain issues between us. He played a part in Emlyn's prereincarnation training, and was present throughout the period of greatest need in terms of explanation of spiritual problems. Anton was our mediator translating for Emlyn my slow unenlightened concepts into terms he could be patient with, while passing on to me the main points of Emlyn's overenthusiastic vision of his next life on earth  his next father.

This is not to say that Anton was a medium or channel between Emlyn and me; far from it, Emlyn himself expressed to me personally many of his hopes and purposes for his coming life, in addition to instructing me in many pertinent spiritual matters especially those relating to my marriage. Emlyn came one night during a dictation (as many others had been doing) and presented himself as the soul who was chosen to incarnate as our first child. He was quite particular that we should listen to him because he wanted to make sure that we understood that we were to raise him just so. He explained that all children made arrangements with their parents before they were born and the only difference between our situation and the normal situation was that we had the benefit of being conscious, at the physical level, of our agreements, whereas most parents only dealt with their future children while out of the body during sleep; and as I have said before, no memory of these astral

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experiences iB brought back to the physical plane. Nence, we had the distinct advantage of knowing in advance what was expected of us, in addition to having a vivid preview of the personality of our childtobe. He gave us elaborate, explicit instructions concerning his birth and upbringing. He told us of his past lives and counseled us in spiritual matters. He really took charge.

At this point I must interject that, until the moment of his birth, I thought that he was going to be a girl. My wife desperately wanted a girl, and I wanted what she wanted. Emlyn told us to pick an androgynous name, "just in case", but after my wife conceived the child there was no doubt in my mind that it was a girl.

Well, beloved, they lied to us. Anton and a half dozen other teachers lied to us. They purposely lied to us, and they lied to us repeatedly, every time we asked for verification. They assured me that we were going to have a girl. My faith was substantially shaken over this, but it was restored by their explanation: since my wife had always had a vision of the ideal motherdaughter relationship, and had even been warned by her own mother that "the boys, they just go off and leave you", she was rather heavily prejudiced against having a boy. Thinking it was a girl increased her enthusiasm for and devotion to the baby thereby resulting in a happier, healthier pregnancy. The lie, therefore, had the positive effect of making my wife more affectionate towards Emlyn while he was in the womb, and after he came out and lay in her arms, no lies were necessary  she loved him to distraction in spite of her negative predisposition.

Several times my teachers have told similar lies "for my own goodM, and the outcome has always been truly for my own good. It has also had the effect of toningdown my nosy,

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busybody, blabbermouth nature, I am DO longer quite so inquisitive about the precise workingout of physical manifestations of divine energy. I simply trust God to have the wisdom to place his servant in the position of optimum advantage for the working of His Will.

Rather than lies, more often a prophecy, which appeared in the short run to have been a lie, has turned out, in the long run, to have been a perfect truth. For example: One time I auditioned for a job conducting a Presbyterian church choir. My teachers assured me that I would get the Presbyterian iob; they even described the size of the choir I would have. When I was turned down by that church, I was extremely disappointed and upset. However, in less than six months I was fired from the Methodist church by the afore mentioned oldfashioned preacher just in time to accept a position at another Presbyterian church. The position and the choir were just as my teachers had described them to me; the group was three or four times bigger than my previous one, and I perceived them to have much more potential for spiritual growth than either the Methodist choir, or the Presbyterian choir that had turned me down. I had "lucked" into a situation that was considerably better than I had even imagined was possible.

Such developments have become commonplace in my life. Each new situation is a chance to serve in ever more significant ways. As the old falls away the soul is ever more purified, the mind ever more receptive to God's truth, the will ever more steeled to accept the difficult challenges that a servant of God must face. If I knew less than I know,

I might cling to the security and familiarity of the old conditions, but I have learned that God has a reason for every professional or personal disappointment or seeming set back; I know the Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want anything I need to carry on His work. Since I gave my

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life to God I have skipped across the chessboard of earthly life with ever increasing ease and elan; I hardly have to wait at all anymore to see my disappointments turn to joy. Far from hating those who have worked against me, I cherish them as the unwitting workers of God's will. I know that if I am persecuted, for being what I am and doing my Lord's work, I will be blessed. Truly the meek will inherit the earth.

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